Refresh

Yesterday afternoon, with what felt like bricks in my stomach, I climbed aboard a boat headed 8 miles from shore. There it would drop 30 of us into the ocean to swim amongst all sorts of sea creatures, including an assortment of reef dwelling sharks. I'm not sure why, but all my life I have been afraid of fish. As a child I had pet goldfish (named after Polka Dot Door characters), and while I did my best to care for them, I would prefer not to be in the room with them; going fishing at my uncle's cottage was a terrifying experience; and swimming in a lake was something that didn't happen often..I outright refused the swim test at camp because I knew there were catfish in the lake. The last time we were in Florida I refused to venture past my knees. Yet here I was on this boat. Jumping into that cool water was a freeing experience. I won't lie and say my stomach didn't jump each time I saw a fish, and I won't pretend I didn't scream into my snorkel the first time I saw that 4 foot long barracuda, but being there was amazing. Here I was in the middle of the ocean, with my new husband by my side, swimming with sharks. I could have never imagined this.

This past year has been a struggle, so much so that it has been easy to forget how lucky we really are. We weren't going to go on this trip because of this, and the ones to come - especially our upcoming IVF treatment that requires so much financially - but I'm so glad we did. Being outside all day, each day, surrounded by life has been so refreshing. We have seen and experienced so much and it has reminded me how much I have been neglecting that need to step away and refresh. So when we get back it has become a goal of mine to do just that. At least once a month we are going to get out of the city, don our hikers and just walk. Anywhere. Everywhere.

For now, I am going to enjoy the last few days we have before jumping back into 'real life'.

I hope you are all allowing yourself that time to breathe.